Today was a rather reflective run. The loop was so easy today that I didn’t even think about the run at all. Instead I found myself thinking about what this running is doing for me. As some of you know, I haven’t had the easiest lot in life, but I try to not think about the negative and focus solely on the now. Being negative isn’t going to get me anywhere. It’s not going to bring back my father or find me a job so why waste my time on it. I try my absolutely hardest to be as positive as I can.
But truth be told, the unemployment thing has been getting to me. And having people constantly remind me that I need a job has been setting me back emotionally. I know I need a job and do you know how much it kills me to be this talented and educated and feel so useless? Before I took up this half-marathon I was finding myself falling into a dark place. Most people didn’t see it because I didn’t show it, but my interest in things was waning. My creative energy tanked and I no longer wanted to write or do art and even my love of the gym was starting to fade. But instead of lying on the couch waiting for the days to disappear (which was what I wanted to do) I put on my game face and went about my days as normal. But my heart wasn’t always in it. And then this came along. Thank the Lord for my husband having the faith in me to push me to do this because my zest for life has come back. I’m reading and researching and learning again. Obviously since you are reading this I am writing again. Matt and I have a new thing to share and discuss and laugh about. And I have such a strong support system of people behind me rooting me on that it makes me feel so good about taking on this challenge, as well as act as the catalyst to add the necessary mileage to each run.
I’m sorry for wasting precious blog space on my sad sack story but I want to be as honest about this process as possible and once in a while I’m just going to be a sad sack. But I promise to keep things light-hearted 99-percent of the time because that’s who I am 99-percent of the time. Now back to our regularly scheduled program.